Balance. What a lovely word. Just saying the word imparts a sense of peace. The dictionary defines balance as "a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions (noun)" OR "to keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall."
Yikes! I often find myself asking, 'Am I in balance?' Have I put the priorities of my life in a steady position so that they (or I) do not fall? I think this is an important question to ask ourselves. And some of us, myself included, need to ask it often.
Ask my parents and they will agree that I have ALWAYS been a 'creative' personality. I love variety and finding new, creative ways to do things. For example, instead of having a lemonade stand when I was young like the 'normal' kids, I had a manicure/pedicure stand in our driveway. Who wouldn't want their nails done by an 8 year old, right?!? Good grief. Never mind the fact that we lived in a suburban neighborhood that had very little traffic aside from the coming and going of the people who lived on our street. My mom was lovely enough to make cookies and bring them out to me, knowing something was going to have to sweeten the deal (pun intended) in order for some poor soul to stop at my manicure stand. The manicures didn't work out, so the next week I tried selling my art projects from elementary school art class. Again, top notch idea.
My 'do it all/try it all' mentality extended into adolescence and young adulthood. Throughout high school and college...and even into graduate school, my academic pursuits changed numerous times. I refer to my career journey as a cornucopia of experience. I started coaching, worked as a para, managed a non-profit theater, opened a fitness business, worked as a personal trainer, became a collegiate instructor, became a brain-health expert, traveled the Midwest leading health & wellness workshops and found my way back to teaching...wow! Would you call that balance? I don't think that fits either of the definitions above. I am so thankful for the friendships and experiences I have had throughout life. But it has also brought challenges. It's impossible to pour your entire heart into something when it is divided between many things.
If you know me well, you know I love being involved; involved in community, our church, career-related pursuits, personal hobbies, friendships and more. This is my struggle. I do not say this as some sort of humble brag. I am not looking for accolades or pity. I am being brutally honest in hopes that my own battle with imbalance will aid someone else in their own journey. I remember our pastor's wife asking me one time, "What do you do each week that fills you up?" I responded with something like helping lead FCA or nurturing our Track & Field girls. She looked at me sternly and said, "No. Those are things that fill others up. What is filling YOU up?" I probably looked like a deer in the headlights. I believe my response was, "Ummm." Pretty profound, right?
As a dink (double-income, no kids), I was able to participate actively in a multitude of endeavors and I felt very fulfilled by doing so. But when I gave birth to our son, everything changed. Everyone tells you, "having a baby will change your life." You smile and nod and think, 'yeah, yeah, yeah.' But they are right. Matthew changed every part of my life. Moms out there, you know what I mean. The love you have for your children is powerful and immediate. It rocks your world as soon as they enter the world. And it made me question my priorities. It made me ask the hard question, "Is my life in balance?" It wasn't.
After much prayer and discussion, my husband and I made the decision to pursue a career change that would allow me to spend more time with Matthew. I was overwhelmed by the miraculous ways in which everything unfolded once we gave our plans over to God and allowed Him to lead us. A teaching position became available, which I happily accepted. My employers at the time were more than supportive and continue to collaborate and include me in their work to this day. We took a significant pay cut, yet our bank account hasn't seemed to be affected in the least. We have made adjustments and have faith that God will continue to provide and guide.
In the past year, we have spent more time growing in faith as a couple and with our life group. I have been intentional about nurturing close female/mom friendships. And I have found that these are the things that fill me up! I now know what our pastor's wife meant when she asked me that question years ago. In order for me to maintain balance in my own life, my cup must be full. Sometimes that means saying no to opportunities or accomplishments. It means admitting that you (I) cannot do it all. We are not meant to 'do it all.' That's God's job. We are designed to reflect His love and joy and peace. And we cannot fulfill that eternal role if we are out of balance.
My power verse for the past few months has been Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." I repeat this to myself daily! It reminds me that I cannot serve my family and others unless my heart and soul are healthy. When I look into the sweet eyes of our sweet boy, or feel him hold my hand as we walk, I know that the new, more balanced life I am pursuing is not only worth it today, but for eternity.
Let's find a new balance in life together friends! I'm praying for you.
~ Check back later this week for parts II & III ~
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